I seriously can just abandon this blog seeing how ‘frequent’ I’m here. Seems like I’m not much into blogging or just having my thoughts to be put out there in cyber space. Or maybe it’s because there’s no motivation for me to do so. It’s all about the mental strength and will.
Anyhow, I’m just occupying myself to do other things that are just in my term ‘wasting time’. Often I would think to myself to make use of my time productively. Look what happens after 1 year, still at the same place doing nothing much. There’s so much to share yet I’m reserved about it.
Why not let me start with 5 things I’ve learnt about myself in this 1 year. Yes, I’ve that much alone time that I’m learning more about myself. A very good Eat, Love, Pray year though there’s nothing to do with love and pray, just loads of eating.
1. Getting better in eating out alone
2 years ago, I wouldn’t go out and eat alone or even have take away food unless it’s drive-thru. I would wait for my brother to accompany me to have lunch or dinner. I would rather just starve than going down alone to eat. The kitchen that we had wasn’t well equipped to cook at home as the ventilation was bad. The air vent would just blow back into the house. So cooking was a big no-no.
I would have my emergency food stock pile of chocolates in case I get too hungry to function. That was how bad the situation was. I feel so pathetic having to dine alone.
After my bro moved out, I had to find food on my own. Started off with visiting my fav place every Saturday to get my pork fix. That’s a start. Now, I can just go to the mall alone and ask ‘Table for 1’ and happily enjoy me food and my me-time with my phone. I can even go to other places overseas eating alone as well. No biggie now.
2. Being true to myself
What this mean is that who am I kidding on my likings and dislikings. I don’t have to prove to anyone in order to fit in a certain crowd. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t compromise. I’m saying that I don’t have to play fake just to fit or be in the group.
I have my share of trying to fit into the cool kids group or try to be a ‘somebody’. Well, let me just throw that thought out the window. I am who I am. Why do I need to change what I believe just to feel wanted or important. If a person is important to you, you can tell.
If I’m not true to myself, then who would be? 1 year has passed and I can say that I’m more aware of what I like and dislike, more in tune to myself. There’s no problem with that.
3. I need to be a better friend
I do realise that often I would try to correct people and not very good at being a listener. I would always think that I’m right until proven wrong. But when it comes to being a friend and being a supportive person, I guess that’s my area of improvement.
What happened to the skills I’ve learnt? This just reminded me that I”m not there to solve their problem, I’m there to hear out their problem and give support by standing on their side.
I’ve been in that position and I know how it feels like to have someone telling you the obvious when it wasn’t the right timing to hear about it.
4. I overthink way too much
It’s all thoughts but no action. I like planning things like travel trip, places to eat, things to do during my free time. But 98% of the time, it’s just on paper, nothing is put into action. Hence I always do things at the spur of the moment. Even now, I have a long leave coming up yet there’s nothing set into stone.
Come to think of it, I like the idea of planning instead of execution.
I would also tend to think of a Plan B, C, D. Thinking of what if this doesn’t work. Then comes my last point.
5. Learning to let go
It’s always easier said than done.
I can’t deal with uncertainties. That leads me to take calculative risks. I need to have a grasp of what’s around me and what I’m doing. I can’t just let go of the rope and take a leap of faith. I’m slowly learning to let things go 1 small step at a time. Things that are beyond my control, I just have to learn how to deal with it.
Even putting this out there is a little of out my comfort zone. It has to start somewhere right?